Hogwart's Pick-Up Lines
by LunaMoon132
Summary: Really cheesy Pick up lines by none other than Scorpius Malfoy. M for cursing.


One-Shot

Albus' POV

"Alright Scor, truth or dare?" We're all in the Slyhterin common room. Yes Albus Potter is a Slytherin so don't ask too many questions on that. Back to the point.

"Dare." Way to trust Scor to be cocky.

"Fine," I yawn, "I dare you to use as many cheesy pick-up lines as you can to as many girls as you can. Within a day, starting tomorrow morning."

"What, no man."

"It's a dare Scorpius, you chose it. You live with it." Some of the other guys laugh, "Now I'm going to bed."

"Night, do you mind if I Slyherin?"

"Save it for the girls, Scor."

The next morning when I woke up, Scor was out the door. "Hold up! I gotta see this! This is the chance of you losing all hope of getting laid!"

"I already did your cousin, so that's a victory for me, huh Albus?"

"Dick." I groan. Getting up and putting on clothes.

What a Saturday.

On the way to the Great Hall we ran into a group of girls. Gryffindor girls, so Scor's first for the day was.

"Yo baby, are you a Gryffin-Whore, because you've let every guy Slyther-in."

So one point for Scorpius.

And we usually sit with the Gryffindor's so expect us to be shuned by everyone but Lilly Luna and James.

So of course he has to say something to James. "Eyo, you don't need to use Wingadium Leviosa to get me up. Shit. Forgot you weren't a girl… yet." Which led to James back handing him. But I still gave him a point.

"Oh and Lilly?" Scor asks, "Are you a dementor? Because you take my breath away."

"Dude too far." I groan. Still giving him a point when my little sister kisses him on the cheek and walks away.

Then some Hufflepuff kids walk past. "Oh you're hufflepuffs, cause I'll huff and I'll puff until I blow you away."

That was worth about ten so thirteen points, because there were only two girls in there, I'm really starting to question him at this point.

"Hey ROSE!" He yells. "You know, the Sorting Hat placed me in Gryffindor's because like Godric himself, I too have an impressive sword."

"Oh? Cause I don't recall you being in my house."

"But I was in something else of yours, your chamber of secrets?"

Two points, leading to a total of fifteen.

"Do you want me to slap you, dude?" Hugo yells at him.

"C'mon I know your love for me is as firey as a dying Phoenix. "

Sixteen points, and ten on the gay scale.

"Is your name Lumos, cause you're turning me on." He asks Professor Trewlaney.

Oh my food. Eighteen points for bad assery.

Then he nearly kills me by following up with. "I've been whomping my whillow all day thinking about you Professor."

Twenty points. She looks him dead in the eyes and says: "Oh I'm sorry dear boy, did you say something?"

"Yes, just that your vagina is a horecrux. I need to destroy it."

"That's nice dear boy."

Oh my food, I'm rounding to fifty points, but I drag him away before he can say anything else.

"My name isn't Luna but I know how to Lovegood." He says to Longbottom. 100 Points to Scorpious.

Uncle Nev. Shocks me by saying "Five points to Slytherin."

Good old Uncle Nev.

This is the list of the next several he said to random girls.

"Are you a horecrux, because you complete me."

"We both know why Myrtle Moans."

"I must be in the room of Requirement because you're all I need." (The smirk on his face got smacked right off)

"Wanna make some magic together? My wand is at the ready." (He got slapped then too.)

"I can be your house elf, I'll do anything and don't even need clothes."

But the last one he said to Lilly cracked me up. "The sorting hat has spoken," He leaned over her. "It says I belong in your house."

When she gasped he kissed her and ran. I was too busy laughing to be angry.

We were sitting in the common room at the end of the night. He says to Z-Man, "Yo bro, I'm exhausted, mind if I Slytherin to your bed tonight?"

"You used that last night on Albus bro. Get a new list."

"Will do." He smirks.

The day ended to having about five hundred points.

But if he says one more to my sister, I'll kill him.


End file.
